9 minutes

I have 9 minutes to verbally bring forth all the stuff in my head.  ready... set...

GO!

 

Grandpa died today.  I'll be going to the funeral alone.  I will be a pall barer. Yes, you read correctly,  I was also a pall barer for my grandmother.  Messed up family, I'm here to tell you.  But I do have to say, there is some healing involved with laying a loved one in the ground.  I'm glad that my hands will be some of the last responsible for Vernon.

 

There's a part of me that is pissed of with B for not attending the funeral with me.  After all, I'm the one grieving here -- doesn't seem hardly fair that I'll be driving 7 hours (give or take) to attend the funeral of my grandfather alone only to have to drive back alone, too.  But, you know, maybe I need that time.  I believe I do.  I can hang with him wanting to comfort me by allowing me to know that my children are safe.... still, I wish he were there with me.  He's done so much for me from here, though. Left me with cash, returned with bourbon.  Taking care of the kids to let me have my one day / night of getting ripped all to hell and saying FUCK IT to the rest.  I'm sure that, when I return from the funeral, the house will be clean, the laundry will be done, there will be a large treat in the garage waiting for me along with a stiff drink and a nice little pick me up that only my husband can provide me.  Heh heh heh.

 

 

The birth.  Crap on a cracker, I haven't written about the birth.  I don't know that I"m going to.  It was a horrendously long and complicated birth, but my client did all that she could and I learned a lot about the human spirit.  And for the first time, I issued the very words that changed my life 5 years ago, "There comes a time when you have to decide to take the power.  You can either decide for yourself to have the surgery, or you can wait for your physician to decide for you.  Where will you find the most empowerment?"  Baby girl born at 6:51 pm, nearly 39 hours from the onset of labor, via cesarean section.  Mom and baby and dad and doula all doing well.

 

1 minute

 

I want sushi.  I really want sushi.  I cannot afford sushi AND a trip out of state for the funeral.  DAMMIT.

 

Someone start saving bail money --- I might have to kidnap a sushi dude and take him to KS with me.  Oy!