Brain spewage

It's a day of uncertainty.  When I'm uncertain, my brain goes on overdrive.  I'm just gonna spill it all here.

 

So here's the deal with being a birth professional - time is wonky.  For example, in most other jobs, you know when you will be going to work, *where* you're going to work, how long you'll be there.  Not when you're a birth professional.  Not at all.  Right now I know my client is in early labor.  Good enough.  I know that eventually she'll be birthing at a hospital about 25 minutes away.  Check.  I know that at some point, I'll be joining her somewhere.  Right on.  But I don't know when (an hour from now? 6 hours?  12??) and I don't know where (her house first?  or straight to the hospital?)  and I most certainly don't know how long I'll be with her.  I might climb into my own bed to sleep tonight --- or I might not get to climb into my own bed to sleep until tomorrow night.  No one knows. 

 

It's as if time somewhat stops when that phone rings and I hear, "I think this is it!!"  Time doesn't matter at that point because, frankly, I'm on someone else's watch.  Sure, I can still go about my daily grind, but always in the back of my mind I'm looking for the quick exit, the best parking place that will allow me to leave easily, etc.  I don't know when anything is going to happen -- it's part of the nature of the game.

 

I wish other folks would get that.  Namely my husband.  Now, B is a great man and he is incredibly supportive.  He loves what I do and knows I'm damned good at it and that I love it (talk to me at 3am tomorrow and ask if I still like it .. oy!)  B has always encouraged me to do whatever I want whenever I want and that's just fantastic.  But good grief, I don't understand why he doesn't realize by now, several several years and countless births into it, that I don't know when I'm leaving and I don't know when I'll be home.  I usually just say, "By Thursday" and leave it at that.

 

Hank barks now.  All the time.  Not at strangers or noises very much (although he does do that,) but he barks to talk to us.  It's unreal.  He comes up to us and does that doggie howl and we all join in unison with him, but then he decides to bark when he's really serious.  I can handle it.  The boys love it.  It's loud and it does hurt my ears if he's close, but good night, Hank is just a talker.  B, however, does NOT dig this.  It's highly entertaining to me to watch B cringe and freak at the barking while the boys and I continue on our party line chat with the dog.  Ruff Ruff, baby.  Ruff Ruff.

 

JM Bill is camping this weekend where there are lions and leopards.  I wanna be there with her.

 

Speaking of Africa, I've been letting the boys watch Roots with me.  It's heavy and hard at times and we have to stop the movie every 10 minutes or so I can answer their questions and such.  It's a 12 hr film, so it's going to take us a long time to get through it.  That's fine -- it certainly took long enough to live.  It's interesting to watch the boys experience the trauma and horrific nature of our history.  It's sad to watch that reality cross their little faces, but it's also so wonderful to see that they instantly understand the grave injustice of it, that it's NOT right, that it makes no sense.  It's a deep pleasure to see the look in their face that says so clearly, "Never again.  Never to another soul of any color, creed, race, religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, etc.  NEVER AGAIN."  It's kind of like when Duck was mortified to see how eggs are collected on commercial farms and vow that he would only eat free range eggs.  It's a proud moment for me, a proud moment as a parent.

 

JP and her clan is out of school for the summer.  YAY!!!!  This year should be interesting.  Her youngest, D, is terrified of dogs.  Just terrified of dogs.  No matter what size or breed they are, this little "Ima get you sucka" girl is scared of dogs ... and we have Hank.  Hank who is enormous and loud.  Hank who is nothing but a gigantic marshmallow but looks and sounds like a vicious beast.  Hank who brings me my slippers and will kiss you stupid for peanut butter.  He's awesome, but she won't be able to tell 'cause the poor love will be too scared to find out.  Guess we'll be visiting them a lot this summer instead of them coming up here.  Lovely.

 

I'm messing with my blog layout and such.  Expect random changes.  Ha.  Good lesson for life, eh?

 

Stealth has decided that he's going to be a video / computer game wizard.  He's well on his way.

 

Oh there's the phone ....