sometimes things just suck ass

Remember when we were younger?  Remember when we could have some sort of crisis and deal with it at a bar, tits out, tabs paid for?

 

Things ain't the same these days.

 

I'm 31, married, mother of two, friend to zillions, enemy of some (I don't even care enough bout them to count.)  I'm a professional, a business owner (two times over, thankyouverymuch,) an artist, a trainer, a master craftswoman, a joke teller, a drink maker, a midnight toker, baby.

 

But sometimes I wanna be that 19 year old who folks take care of.

 

I'm having a hard time.  There's a lot of stress and loss in my family(s) right now.  Everyone expects me to hold it together --- after all, I've held it together for 31 years thus far.

 

My grandfather is dying.

 

My friend wants to be a mother but she cannot let go of her conscious enough to listen to her heart.

 

My budget wants to spend itself on fine shoes, lovely skirts, and beer, but I feel obligated to buy semi-gloss paint and ceramic tile.

 

I feel guilty about my grandmother's death oh so many years ago. ... enough guilt that I'm sure I'll fuck up my grandfather's death.  That is why I choose to remain here instead of visiting.

 

My husband loves me and trusts me, but thinks I should deal with my grief sober.  What he doesn't realize is that I deal with it all sober and head on for 18 hrs of the day and I only look to get obliterated during the 8 hrs that he's home.  That, to me, is responsible.

 

Lily Allen said it all ....

 

Oh yeah, I'm fine,
Everything's just wonderful,
I'm having the time of my life.

Don't you want something else