It was my morning to get up with the boys today while B sleeps in. My husband rolled over, shoved me with his elbow and said, "Duck is hungry - you better get up." Mornings are not his strong point.
I get up and listen in horror to the pops and cracks that accompany aging (and I'm only 29!!,) and realize that the nasty cold that has been flying all around me, touching here and there, has finally come in for the kill and I'm as sick as a stray dog cleaning up after a county fair. I make it to the bathroom, blow my nose, and nearly pass out. Fuck. I don't have time for this.
By now, Stealth is up and coughing. Poor baby. The boys have been dealing with this cold for a few days now, but with amazing grace - never has anyone (other than me) whined about being sick. Anyway, a round of medicine for everyone as the rattling cough joins the clan.
Immediately, upon realization that I'm sick, too, the boys scramble to the books shelf and pull out their favorite book, 1000 Facts on the Human Body.*** They hunt around until they find their favorite pages. Duck loves the ones on conception, pregnancy, and birth (imagine that,) and Stealth really likes to look at the anatomy of the ear and teeth. While they got stuck mulling over these pages again and again (seriously, in a week or two they're going to know more about anatomy than I do - and I studied it in college,) their original motivation didn't elude me - they were looking for ways to make me feel better.
Hoping for some good news or at least something that will make me forget how crappy I feel, I turn on ol' Bob The TV. Apparently, B was up watching The Dukes of Hazzard and pigging out on ice cream after I went to bed last night - Bob was still set to CMT. I sit down with a paper napkin for my nose (out of Kleenex,) and heard these words:
She's never pulled anyone from a burning building
She's never rocked Central Park to a half a million fans, screaming out her name
She's never hit a shot to win the game
She's never left her footprints on the moon
She's never made a solo hot air balloon ride, around the world,
No, she's just your everyday average girl (but)
She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero
She didn't get a check every week like a nine-to fiver
But she's been a waiter, and a cook and a taxi driver
For twenty years, there at home,...
Suddenly it hits me with full force. I'm the hero of these two sweet angels sitting on my couch, eating apples, rubbing snot on the arms of their PJ's, and reading and looking for ways to make me better. It's so sweet it hurts. Their soft eyes and warm hands and sloppy kisses. It should be enough that they appreciate me.
But it's not.
The fact of the matter is that I'm angry and resentful that other people in my life do not understand what a critical role I play, they don't appreciate it (me,) or if they do, they've taken a vow of silence. Thank you is not something I hear. My job is not to do the dishes and the laundry and the grocery shopping. My job is to raise two boys into men. It's hard work. Beyond hard work. The hardest job there is. And yet, I still get the usual, "What do we have to eat?" This idiocy of this question is always compounded by the fact that the asker is always standing in front of an open pantry full of food when he asks the question. "Babe, do I have any clean jeans?" Yep. I'm the sole keeper of this information. "So, do you think you ought to get a job?" Don't get me started.
To these small people who've only been on this orbiting rock long enough to see the full trip around the big ball of fire a few times, I'm a hero. They love me and appreciate me and value me and want to help me. They think I'm magic when I can turn a hot dog into an octopus, a paper towel roll into a rain stick, the stuff in the box into macaroni and cheese. With a kiss, I can make the ouchie go away, I can make a blanket and some chairs turn into Fort Knox in a flash, I can answer the hard questions.
My boys see my cape.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm married to Lex Luther.
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*** Barnes and Nobel has a whole series of these 1000 Facts books. Located in the children's section, these hardback books are REALLY cheap and incredibly educational. Lots of great pictures, wonderful organization. A great buy. And yep, DDFF, the educator's discount DOES apply.
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