Damage

"Psst. Mama. Mama. MOM!"

"Yes, Duck, what is it?"

"Um. Mom. Um. Well, you see, the lamp in the living room. Um. We're so sorry Mom. There's been some serious damage to the lamp. And we're sorry."

What a lovely turn of events. It's about 6:05 in the morning and I've just recently crawled back into bed after chasing Duck down at 5:15 and telling him that it's way too early to be up. I spent about 20 minutes cuddling with him in his own bed and then finally allowed him and (now awake) Stealth to get up and start the day. As I quietly rummaged through my drawers to find warm pj pants and a sweatshirt, I hear B stirring. Sure enough, as I walk past the bed on my way out, his arm shot out and pulled me back into bed. Let's see here. My options are to crawl back into a warm, inviting bed with my warm, inviting husband or get up into the cold living room with 2 small boys for endless rounds of train bowling (don't ask) and "Mom, I need!" The bed won out.

Until the damage.

Turns out that the lamp shade in the living room (a beautiful rice paper looking thing) had slipped off the brackets or something and was laying directly on the light bulb. It's hard telling how long it had been like that, I have no idea. What I do know is that when I finally made it out to investigate, the thing was smoking, flames were just starting to be apparent, and there was a lovely burned hole in the lampshade. Shit, that is some damage, now isn't it?

Having taken care of that and having made some coffee and kiddie coffee (hot cocoa with marshmallows,) I started my day thinking of damage.

Damage is really an interesting concept, when you think about it. I mean, it seems so simple and self explanatory, but not so much. Damage is not deconstruction, it is not ruin, it is not an end all be all situation, it is not irreparable.

Damage is, in essence, motivation in tangible form.

The lamp shade was damaged, but fixable, and it motivated me to finally secure the brackets that have been loose for a few months now. Have a fender bender that results in a little damage? That will motivate you to get those brakes replaced on time. Hell, have a hurricane that floods an entire city, kills thousands, and leaves thousands of others homeless? Well, that might motivate you to rethink and redesign those damaged levees, eh?

But damage happens to things you cannot see or touch, yes? What about that?

A damaged heart might motivate someone to rethink limitations and boundaries and expectations. A damaged sense of pride might motivate someone to give humbleness another thought. Damaged trust might motivate someone to rethink how open they choose to be and they might also rethink who deserves their trust.

Damage opens up opportunity. And, if looked upon in that way, if the opportunity is taken, the end result is most often better off than the original thing that got damaged to begin with.

My high school years were pretty tumultuous (yeah, I know, who's weren't?) My parents were splitting up, my self worth had pretty much taken a nose dive, it was rough. One day, my father sat me down while I was in the middle of a self pitying, blame everyone, teenage rant.

"Let me tell you about the theory of Quantum Physics" said my Dad.

"OH Dad, not now. I know you loved teaching math and science all those years ago, but can't you see I'm in the middle of a crisis here?"

"Yes, I know, but I'm your father, now listen to me. The Theory of Quantum Physics states that the world, the universe, is expanding. Slowly, bit by bit, year by year, each planet, each star, each mass out there in space is drifting further and further apart from each other. It will eventually be so far apart, that it will shatter all former limitations and groupings and arrangements. The universe is destroying itself. The universe is falling apart."

"I can relate, Dad. My life is falling apart which is why I don't have the time or desire for a science lesson."

"Yes, I know. Now follow me here. The reason the universe is falling apart is so that it may come back together in a higher order. Things have to be deconstructed before they can be reconstructed. Things have to fall apart and get worse before they can get better. So, when you feel like your life is falling apart, it's because it really and truly is. But it's falling apart so that it might come back together in a higher order."

Now that's some damage control, eh?

I've carried that conversation with me for 12 or 13 years now. It has served me more than just about anything else I've ever heard, read, or said. Coming together in a higher order? I can dig it.

As I look around my house, I can see all kinds of damage. The stairs leak a bit, we need a new roof, the kitchen needs new flooring. My older son is needing a bit more of a sense of autonomy, my younger son is needing a stronger sense of independence. My marriage is showing the wear and tear that comes from not spending enough time together. Damage is all around us.

"It's falling apart so that it might come back together in a higher order" says a voice in the back of my head.

Damn, one of these days, we're going to be awesome!