Birth and Rebirth

In my line of work, there is a saying that has passed down from one doula to another, from one year to the next. "We are at the births we are meant to attend." It's nearly our credo (along with "each one teach one," "Birth is not an illness," and others.) While we try like mad to make every birth we can, sometimes we miss one. Sometimes we go to births we hadn't planned on attending. Sometimes, well, sometimes you just never know. It's birth, after all, and birth can be unpredictable. The last 22 hours have taught me this lesson more than the previous 3 years of doing this work - we really are at the births we are meant to attend.

I got a phone call from a client yesterday afternoon. I have been friends with the expectant father for several years. Their baby was a little over due and there were a few minor possible complications coming up, so they had decided to go into the hospital for an induction. This was a mixed bag of emotions for me. I was somewhat disappointed for them because an induction was absolutely not what they had planned, but I was also excited because I was going to see my friend see his baby come into the world. I had been looking forward to this since early Summer and the time had come.

Over the course of the next several hours, my business partner and I stayed in phone contact with each other and with the expectant couple. I could tell that something unusual was going on -each time they called, they stated that they didn't need us there yet, and the labor was getting complicated. I went to bed early, fully expecting to get called out in the middle of the night. Several phone calls between my partner and I took place during the late hours of the night and the early hours of this morning. By 2 in the morning, it looked like we were not going to be called in to this one after all. Let me tell you, this realization shook me more than I expected. I felt a little gypped, to be honest (and yeah, I know talk about selfish!) I was disappointed because, while I couldn't be sure, I felt that perhaps our presence could have made things go a little more smoothly. I was sad because I was going to miss something that I had looked forward to and worked hard towards. And, I'll be really honest and say that it shook my self confidence a little. My mind was spinning and all I could do was just trust that the universe had it all in control and that, indeed, we are at the births we are meant to attend.

2 hours after I drifted off to sleep, my phone rang again. It was a different client and she was actively laboring!! Well, how about that? This client also held a personal element for me - she was planning a VBAC at a hospital, something near and dear to my heart as I, too, had a VBAC. An hour after her original call, she called again asking me to come to her home. I could tell that things were moving quickly. When I arrived at her door 25 minutes later, I could tell just by the sound of her that she was close to giving birth. Her husband looked at me as though I sincerely was a life saver and, as I found my way to my client, I silently asked the universe to guide me in all that I say and do. She was involuntarily pushing - and she was doing it her own way. She'd been laboring only for 3 hours and it was intense. So, we all loaded up into their vehicle and drove the 15 minutes to the hospital. Sure enough, when she she got to her room, the nurse checked her and, with wide open eyes and a dropped jaw, declared, "I cannot find any cervix at all! You're completely dilated - go ahead and push, if you feel like it." (For the record, hospitals are not used to folks coming in complete at all - this totally blew their minds.)

Without getting into the details, she pushed her baby out less than 2 hours after we arrived at the hospital and she did it all on her own, under her own power, without any drugs. She did it. She really did it.

I watched her face as she pushed her baby out, as she held her daughter for the first time, as her husband cried over them both and gushed in the most amazing way that only new fathers can. I watched her realize that she is not a broken woman, that she is whole and complete and that she can do this. I watched her face and she whispered the words, "This is what it's meant to be." I watched her old wounds heal and I realized that some of my old wounds were healing, too. I was able to complete the circle - to give to her what DDFF had given to me 3 and a half years ago. And I have to tell you, I don't know who was more proud - the new family or the doula.

With tears in their eyes, this lovely couple told their parents about me and what I meant to them. While my ears always love to hear praise, all I could think was that they had done just as much for me, if not more, than I had done for them. I have such an amazing career.

As of this writing, my friend and his wife have still not given birth. I can only trust that it was meant to be this way for them, and for me.

I have learned so much in the last 22 hours. I have learned that sometimes we miss the births we're meant to miss and we absolutely attend the births we are meant to attend. I'm blessed to be in this line of work - where else can you see new babies be born and be reborn yourself?