And away we go ...

I just finished sending a bio to an author in NYC for publication in an upcoming book.  When I sent it, I didn't think much of it.  After all, Ozark Handspun is written up all over the place these days (insert happy dance here.)  An email from folks in the know, however, set me straight.

 

Sarah, you have no idea what just happened. Sabrina is an exceptionally well-know artist. This is not her first book. She has had artists emailing and calling her all day every day to try to get into her book. We didn't ask her, she asked us. We didn't realize how blessed we were until the photographer came and let us in on what's really happening in NY. You have just entered the fame gallery! Congratulations. DON'T PANIC. JUST BREATHE!

This does not mean that Kohleidoscope will come out of the closet yet. You are in control of your business. But this is a HUGE boost. When you are ready to take on the world, Midas, the world will be waiting. I think that's one of the most exciting things!

Zoinks!

Truth of the matter is that it's been a couple of months since I've designed or created anything new.  I think I had gotten burned out on it all and wondered if, since I didn't know where it was all going, it was worth it.  I guess I got my answer!

Off to dust off the needles and rediscover my obsession with yarns that I don't spin as well as the yarn that I do!

 

 

WOW

B and I spend time in our garage every night.  He smokes and it's the only smoking room in the house, so he hangs out there.  He also does most of his work there, so he spends a lot of time in the garage.  We talk about our day, watch the news (yeah, we even have a TV out there,) make plans, discuss the hard stuff, etc.  It's kind of our place, gross, dirty and smokey as it is, until our bedroom is finished, it's serving as our private place.

 

Last night he says to me, "So, I need you to tell me if you've figured out what I got you for your birthday."

 

Think, Sarah, Think.  Do I confess?  Do I lie?  What do I do?  Think!!

And, since I don't lie to my husband, period, I told him the truth.

 

"Yes, honey, I think I did figure it out, but I was so stunned - did you really get me The Buddha Within?

 

"Yep, Sarah, I did.  Since you know, I want to give it to you now so you can start picking out molding for the frame."

 

And then he pulled out a mail tube from Australia.  The return address was the artist's address.  The insurance sticker on the tube had her signature on it. 

 

He opened the tube and pulled out a rolled up piece of canvas.  On the back is a signature, the artist's signature, and date in pencil.  He unrolled the canvas and there, in front of me, is my piece of art, The Buddha Within.  It's so beautiful.  It's the second piece of real art we've ever owned, by far the largest and most valuable.  It's numbered 1/200.  It's breath taking and I'm humbled beyond words that he would search for and spend the money for this most important piece of art simply because it speaks to me.

 

It will hang on the wall at the foot of our bed.  I'll see it every time I wake up to greet the day.

 

Wow.  Just wow.

 

 

 

So, what's under your bed?  I'm about to find out what is under mine.  Today I have the unsavory task of clearing out the bedroom, boxing up clothing, throwing out the random crap that falls off of a person and collects around the corners of bedroom furniture.  You know, the stuff like the extra buttons that come in little packages when you buy a good blouse, the forgotten hair ties and barrettes that you fall asleep with and wake up at 3 in the morning with them on your nose, the earring for which you have lost the back.  It all has to go because tomorrow, we get the new bedroom set.

 

And the choir sang, "Hallelujah!"

 

I've spent the last few days browsing Art.com and picking out pieces of artwork for our new room.  B and I have decided that we deserve to turn our room into a private oasis, a get away, a refuge from family life.  We picked out furniture that matches the best bed ever (I'm so glad to be getting that back,) and that is light and airy and will leave more room for mediation and crazy monkey, um, couples meditation. Yeah, that's it.  We're covering the walls in subtly romantic / erotic art ( no, you cannot come over. I said art, not porn!)  We found an amazing sculpture / candle holder on our anniversary trip and I cannot wait to set it up.  My mother gave us some gorgeous pink art deco style bowls that will go on the dresser or one of the night stands.  I'm picking out fabrics for new throw pillows and draperies.  Candles, texture, color, art everywhere.  We've used the amazing silk quilt that Velma made for me as the color palate for our room.  It comforts us, it inspires us, it is rich and varied and perfectly imperfect, just like us.  Thank you, Velma. 

 

I cannot wait.  I mean it, I cannot wait.

 

And, just as a little note, I wrote this whole thing without a single misspelling.  What is it, my birthday?

Spinning with Stealth

I do a lot of spinning at home, enough to fully qualify for a part time job. I do a couple of hours a day. Of course, I could meet my quota much more quickly if I weren't interrupted every 3 minutes for "Mama, I'm thirsty. Mama, Duck hurt my feelings. Mama, I pooped, can you wipe my bottom?" But, it's where I am. It is what it is, you know?

Anyway, we rearranged the basement playroom a couple of weeks ago to make my in house gig easier to accomplish. We ditched some furniture, ran cable under the carpet, put a 27 inch TV down there, and moved my wheel and such into a little nook. The boys have more room to play, I can spin while watching the news (or Land Before Time, you know, whatever.) It's nice.

Sometimes I have help. Click on the pictures to enlarge.

(And yep, D, T, and V, I'm spinning VERY slowly in these pics - Stealth's hands are so close to the orifice!!)

Bittersweet

I just figured out what my husband got me for my birthday.  It's amazing and incredibly personal and validates and supports a large life choice I have recently made.  It's so lovely.  He's so lovely for thinking of it.  Wow.

 

But, now it won't be a surprise.

Jewish Haiku

From my Mom's group - oh, it's so funny my Buddhist ass just plotzed. And, yes, we have Jewish members who howled with laughter at this list. Enjoy!

Lacking fins or tail
The gefilte fish swims with
Great difficulty.

*****

Beyond Valium,
Peace is knowing one's child
Is an internist.

*****

On Passover we
Opened door for Elijah
Now our dog is gone.

*****

The shivah visit:
So sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.

*****

Mom, please! There is no
Need to put that dinner roll
In your pocketbook.

*****

Seven-foot Jews in
The NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.

*****

Sorry I'm not home
To take your call. At the tone
Please state your bad news.

*****

Is one Nobel Prize
So much to ask from a child
After all I've done?

*****

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh

*****

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!

*****

Quietly murmured
At Saturday Synagogue services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

*****

A lovely nose ring,
Excuse me while I put my
Head in the oven.

****

Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
Male-pattern baldness

That which does not kill us makes us whiter

I love coffee and tea.  And occasionally soda.  I have smoked something or another off and on since I was 17 years old (minus the 4 1/2 years of pregnancy and breastfeeding.)  Add to that that I'm nearly 30 and you get I have issues.  My teeth are beautifully and naturally straight (no braces here,) but they are anything but white.  This just won't do.  It just won't do.

 

So, along with some of my lovely girlfriends, I'm giving the White Strips a shot.  I know I know I know.  Unbelievable, eh?  You're supposed to use them for 30 minutes, twice a day, for 14 days.  Okie dokie.

 

This morning was my first round.  Let me tell you, those lovely little pictures on the box and on the commercials don't tell you that you'll be placing slime coated playdoh on your teeth, convincing it to stick there for 30 minutes, all the while spitting out copious amounts of the love child of slime and morning breath.  UGH.  I must have a deeper appreciation for professional boxers 'cause I have to say, their experience of using a mouth piece while getting the crap kicked out of them is probably as pleasant as the experience of using white strips.

 

30 minutes finally was up and I raced to the bathroom to take them off.  This was another moment of intense grossitude.  BUT -

they were whiter.  If I'm lying, I'm dying, they were slightly whiter already after only one use!!!  Now, of course, I kind of get all microscopic about these things (I can tell you if my hair grew a millimeter and if I've gained or lost a gram, etc.) but I'll be damned, they were whiter. 

 

I followed up everything with an amazing tooth brushing session, some ACT rinse, the new kind that is supposed to strengthen weak spots and whatnot, and about 10 minutes of looking like a goon in the mirror going, "holy shit, they actually work."

 

It was rough, ya'll.  But I can do it.  I think I can do it for an hour a day for 2 weeks.  Yeah, I can do it!!

 

Damned good thing 'cause my coffee and blueberry muffins are seducing me from across the room ....

 

Oh, just because it's funny, dammit.

FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between a hobby and mental illness.
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an act ual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

FINALLY

Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

 

 

Thanks, DDFF.  Still laughing.

It's so hard to feel compassionate for someone

when they are lying on the couch playing games on a Playstation for hours at a time, regardless of if they have frozen corn in their lap and bruised man-parts.

Ah well, it's worth it.

Viva la Vasectomy!

word droppings

The insurance adjuster came today to look at the storm damage.  He did, indeed, see all the damage that we saw plus some.  Apparently, there are some softball sized dents in our roof.  And it ruined our air condition.  And it broke some of the kids yard toys (yeah, we get something for that!!)  Hopefully it all goes well and our insurance company agrees.  Whew.  Our house looks like crap - I'm anxious to get it fixed.  Then maybe I can stop coming home and thinking we got hit by a drive by.

 

If you are around our area (or, apparently, in parts of Kansas,) you have to check out Born Hillbilly by Jim Curley.    If you're local, we have it at our local library.  This is a bare bones cd of a couple of guys picking guitar, dulcimer, whatever they can find with strings, playing, maybe singing,  traditional music.  I don't know why, but it's got it's hooks on me. And as much as I dig it, I fully admit that I may very well be the only one.  For now, though, you can bet it's going on 'Zulie.  JMB, when I get to go into warp speed in a week or so, I'll be sending it to you.  H will probably think he's landed back on NYE at the Howland Hoedown.  Whatever.  There's a song called My Teacher Shot Me in the Head with a (Paper Clip Blues.)  That is reason to check it out in and of itself, don't you think?

 

I really hate it when doing what is right for yourself ends up causing someone else to miss out on what is right for them.  It just sucks.

 

I ought to get paid by Burt's Bees.  I swear, I pimp them out so much, you'd think I had gold teeth.

 

I am married to the most amazing person in the world.  Man, I love him.  Please don't remind me of those statements in the future when I threaten to clobber him with a cast iron skillet.

 

 

 

 

Green Beer and Beans

Happy St. Pat's folks! Random tidbits a'followin'

Happy Birthday to my Father in Law! I love you to bits, Dan, but have always thought that a birthday on St. Pat's is just wasted on someone who doesn't drink.

Tomorrow is a big day in my house. It's B's birthday. He doesn't give a flying fart, but it's a big deal to me. He'll have graced this earth with 32 years of his presence this time around - I'm looking forward to the next 32 +.

Tomorrow is also the 18th month celebration of sobriety for one of the people in my life who is an alcoholic. I'm so proud of you! I've never seen such bravery and strength. I'm humbled by your ability to change. Thank you. Thank you for saving yourself.

My days of the antiquated and slow-as-molasses-running-uphill-in-January dial up are limited. My current ISP is ceasing to provide service, so we had to change. We have pulled ourselves out of destitute poverty and are now at least in the middle lower class, so all kinds of things are moving up. DSL is coming to my house in a week or so. I'm scared to death at the prospect of installing the new modem myself, but have managed to do all kinds of crazy things to computers in the past. I'm hoping I can pull this off. (hey folks at the help line, get used to my voice - you're going to be hearing it a lot!) ( Okay Okay, maybe we were never in destitute poverty. Maybe we were in middle lower class and are now upper lower class, but folks, money is tight all over - we ain't rollin in the dough, you dig?)

I'm loving Jill My Bill more and more every day. I dare say we're closer now than we were in high school and, lord and butter, we've known each other for, GASP, almost 17 years. She's sending me all kinds of lovely things for Erzulie. LOVE THAT. She's in Ireland and today is the mass insanity that you can imagine over there. She says it's raining buckets. Well, at least the rain will wash the vomit off the streets, eh? Note to Jill -you don't dream about MV anymore and I'll not dream about KT, either, and we'll never mention it again!

I miss my Velma. She has her new job and she loves it. That makes me happier than anything - but now she has other things taking up her time and I cannot call her 24/7. I miss you VJ and love you like chocolate.

DDFF is doing something so amazing tomorrow. Can't tell you what it is, but I've been invited to do it, too. Not sure about that, though. What I DO know is that she's gonna rock the casbah and is going to walk out like a goddess. GO DDFF!!! And, um, might want to have buckets of ice water available for your man.

My friend SS is in the hospital fighting off Strep A, a nasty infection that kills 50% of the folks who get it. FIGHT, SS, FIGHT! Dude, Ace will be lost without you! LOL

Everyone have a great day. BE SAFE. If anyone I know drives drunk, I'll kill you. It's not worth it, ya'll. Drink your green booze at home, like you ought to. Or get a cab. But celebrate, dye everything green, pinch lots of folks on the ass, and have a righteous Paddy's day, folks!

Lovely, just lovely

In Between Dreams by Jack Johnson. Amazing, very laid back, relaxing, kid friendly, soundtrack for your day.

Go get it. Now.

Thanks, Jill.

And her name is ...

Erzulie

Goddess, Voodoo Woman, Earth Mama, Diva of Love and the Arts.

And, of course, she’s going to mate with Jill’s Nano and make beautiful, bi-racial, creative powerful genius children.

Rock on, Viva la iPod.

Retail Therapy

I've had a hard day.  Yesterday and last night, our house got hit with storms.  Today was full of insurance garbage and folks coming to fix things.  One of my best friends in the whole wide world came by for a brief visit that turned into hours of sobbing and crying and holding and my friend confessed to the world and his / her self for the first time that he / she is an alcoholic.  I have loved this person for nearly half of my life and going through it with him / her is an awful lot like going through it with the other person in my life who is an alcoholic (18 months sober this week!!!  WAHOOO.)  But, with my friend, I cannot get angry.  I cannot rage and walk out.  I just have to sit and cry and try to have faith.  This is hard shit. 

 

So, I did what helps me feel better, doesn't put on pounds, and doesn't hinder driving - I bought something.  I had been ear marking and stashing away some money for a birthday present for myself (I'll be 30 in a few weeks - shhhhhhh!!!!)  It's totally an unnecessary purchase - it's the very definition of a luxury item (for me.)  And it's expensive (if your last name isn't Winfrey or Trump, anyway.)  We have things that need the financial attention, but B wouldn't let me back down, saying that I need to treat myself now and then, and since I'd been saving for it anyhow, go ahead and do it.  So, I did.

I bought the 2 GB iPod Nano.  It's black, but only because I've been told that 85% of iPod owners choose the white one.  I'm all for diversity. 

 

Her name will be forth-coming. 

 

Nothing like a little retail therapy to put the spring back in my step.  Happy birthday to me!

 

There's no place like home

We got slammed with heavy storms yesterday and a tornado, maybe 2. Just 18 miles south of our house, things were bright and sunny and B was fishing. The boys were with their grandparents. I, however, was at home alone when the weather hit and my house took a beating. Our house just happens to be located at the intersection of a major interstate and a major highway - tornado alley.

I sat in the basement, drank a beer, and spun and spun and spun to keep my mind occupied as I heard the wind and hail rip holes in our gutters, losen shingles on our roof, punch holes in our window casings, and sand the paint off of our west side. Yes, you read that correctly - it took the paint off our house. It also shattered the windshields in both of Brian's trucks. It shattered the glass on our electric meter.

Today is filled with taking photos and calling our homeowners insurance agent. Next comes estimates and all that crap. We're going to need new gutters, a new roof, the house needs to be painted. I hope like hades that it won't be a battle to get a check from our insurance. We sure as hell pay them enough. Below is just some photos and they don't even show the extent of the damage - click to enlarge.

Sigh. Dontcha just love Mondays?

OHhhh, ohhh, my splean's a breakin'

from laughing so hard.

So, check it out. Folks were supposed to remake TV shows with modern stars, etc. Ohoh, it's just so damned funny! Go pee, then check out The Best of Contest 62

While your at it, check out the original request and submisisons (you might have join WOOT, but it's free and painless.)

Special thanks to SS who hooked me up with BYB, the best group of chicks I've found in ages.

the times, they are a' changin'

Used to be that I would drink bourbon or whiskey straight from the bottle on days that were filled with bark.  I'd put on some Janis, grab a fifth of SoCo, and give my own little personal tribute to Pearl.

 

These days I drink it mixed with Caffeine Free Diet Coke out of a blue Tupperware cup (circa 1977) and use a cute plastic bendy straw.

 

Dylan must have been psychic.

 

Happy Birthday, JILL MY BILL!!!

Holy shit, it might just happen

B and I have been talking and a future of us both being self employed could happen soon.  VERY SOON.

 

Jumping with excitment and wetting my pants with fear.
 

Quote of the day

"Stealth, please hurry up in there.  I have to pee."

 

"But Mom, I have poops.  They're having a party in my bottom, so just hold on -we don't want your pee to start."


 

And so it begins ...

We got a Birthday Express catalogue over the weekend.  The boys have not let it out of their sight.  Their birthdays aren't for months, but all I hear about is "Mom, we HAVE to have a Monster Truck party.  We can have Blue Thunder, Grave Digger, Live Wire, Monster Mutt, War Wizard and all the trucks!  Maybe even BIG FOOT!"

 

Crap.  And here I was hoping that this year they would want the favorite party of all Mom's, you know that one with the wonderful theme that makes all us party throwers smile.  You know, the MINIMALIST party.

 

Heh.  Yeah.  And then I woke up.
 

I'm Too Sexy ...

for pride, apparently!

This is what happens when you mix two pitchers of Harp, two girlfriends in matching tank tops, and extra large sunglasses.

Viva La Outrageousness!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, wasted time

Okay, huge shout out to Sandie . Drinks tonight were FABULOUS and way past due.  Must do again and often in the next three months.  Folks, did you know that one of the most rockin' mamas in the state is moving to NEW ZEALAND???  I've known the cat for 3 years and she's taking off.  C'est la vie.  Down under doesn't know what's coming.  You're gonna rock some Kiwi ass.

 

Dude, you're in my dog pound for life. ARF ARF ARF.

 

Brain fodder

Shout out to Velma who starts her new job today.  Finally, those Redwoods will be safe!  Oh, and since the cat is out of the bag, I can finally announce that Velma and Mark are getting married!!!!  WAHOOOOOO!!!

 

Meeting with Sandie today for drinks.  It's going to be 70+ degrees today, we're meeting for happy hour (read: still daylight,) we're meeting at a place that has a patio , and we won't have kids or spouses.  PERFECT!!!  Holy Guacamole, I love girlfriends. And Spring.  And Beer.

 

B and I finally found the perfect bedroom set.  We're challenged, you see, by already owning the perfect bed - but it's been in storage for 4 years because we didn't have a matching set.  It's hard to find a matching set when you don't need the bed - folks will give you a discount if you need the headboard, but if not, you're SOL.  BUT we did find something amazing and are trying to coordinate getting it here and our current set out.  UGH.

 

Still reeling from the huge sale this past weekend.  Just stand in my closet and see the 4 million things hanging there that weren't in there last week.  LOVE IT.

 

B is in a funk.  What to do?  What to do?  I know what to do -give him some space and let him figure it out for himself. 

 

The boys are really into Monster Trucks these days.  Must be some genetic throw back to our Nascar Cousins (threw that in just for you two, DDFF & VJ.)  Anyway, B still had an old monster truck he had when he was a little boy and he gave it to our kids.  Stealth loves Big Foot, but saw very clearly that Daddy's truck wasn't the REAL Big Foot.  So he named him Big Toe.  Ah, we're so proud.