Jewish Haiku

From my Mom's group - oh, it's so funny my Buddhist ass just plotzed. And, yes, we have Jewish members who howled with laughter at this list. Enjoy!

Lacking fins or tail
The gefilte fish swims with
Great difficulty.

*****

Beyond Valium,
Peace is knowing one's child
Is an internist.

*****

On Passover we
Opened door for Elijah
Now our dog is gone.

*****

The shivah visit:
So sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.

*****

Mom, please! There is no
Need to put that dinner roll
In your pocketbook.

*****

Seven-foot Jews in
The NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.

*****

Sorry I'm not home
To take your call. At the tone
Please state your bad news.

*****

Is one Nobel Prize
So much to ask from a child
After all I've done?

*****

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh

*****

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!

*****

Quietly murmured
At Saturday Synagogue services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

*****

A lovely nose ring,
Excuse me while I put my
Head in the oven.

****

Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
Male-pattern baldness