W. Mark Felt and Me

It's out - the secret, that is. W. Mark Felt is "Deep Throat." 91 years old, neighbor, father, husband, friend, Deep Throat. Imagine waking up one day and thinking, "Well, I'll be damned, I've been Deep Throat's barber for 30 years!" Who knew about this? Surely Felt had been close friends with many people over the years since Watergate - did he tell anyone? How many people in his circle now wonder, "Who is this man, really? Do I even know him?"

Do I want people to question me that way? Maybe. I'll admit that the idea of leaving folks guessing is appealing to me. Truth of the matter, however, is that I am pretty much a chameleon and I frequently reinvent myself. I suppose there will always be a bit of mystery about me, simply because one of my selfish pleasures in life is to keep folks guessing and to always raise an eyebrow or two.

Today, however, I think I'll keep W. Mark Felt company and reveal a few things about myself that might surprise the folks who know me. It might not surprise anyone, but that's the risk I take, eh?

In NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

I'd rather forfeit my right to vote than vote Republican.

When I was 6 years old, I stole 50 cents from my sister's dresser. Sorry, Becky.

There are times when I'd just about cut off my arm for a good Bratwurst.

Clowns scare the shit out of me.

I love whiskey.

I never really learned to ride a bicycle - well, I can do it to save my life, unless the thing threatening me is chasing me and my only escape is said bicycle, in which case, I'm dead meat.

I LOVE Kid Rock. LOVE HIM. You'd be amazed at the lyrics that flow through my head as I sit around in pretty long skirts and respectable earrings. Heh Heh Heh.

I haven't shaved a body part since June 12, 1998. That's right, folks. 7 years.

I pray every day. Maybe not to the God I was raised with, maybe not to the God you know, but I pray to the God of my understanding every single day. And I'm a better person as a result.

Seeing someone drink milk out of their cereal bowl makes me vomit. 100% of the time, without fail, 25 years and counting.

There are days when I'd rather be ANYTHING but a wife and mother.

I've never completely read Moby Dick, regardless of getting an A on my final exam covering the book in college.

I've never seen The Princess Bride.

I could go on and on. I really could. But, if you read the part about my selfish pleasure of keeping folks guessing, you'll not be surprised that I'm stopping here. I don't want anyone to figure me out completely. I love raised eyebrows, surprised responses, "I had no idea" 's.

Who knows. Perhaps when I'm 91 years old, I'll reveal the secret to the universe. I may already have it now - you'll just have to wait and see.