Things you cannot make up

Duck: Hey, Stealth, gimme that hook.

Stealth: No, Duck, I'm the hooker.

Duck: NO, Stealthie, I'M the hooker.

Stealth: I'm the hooker.

Duck: NO, I SAID, I'M A HOOKER. I'M THE BEST HOOKER IN THE WORLD!

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Duck: Hey Mom, is Mark Velma's Husband?

Me: Nope.

Duck: Yes he is, they just don't know it yet.

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Stealth: Wow, Mom, I love Bob Marley.

Me: That's awesome, Stealth. What do you know about Bob Marley?

Sage: He's my hero and his Mama named him after me.

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Stealth: Hey Mom, you know Daddy and Grandpa?

Me: Yes, we've met.

Stealth: I have a secret about them!

Me: You do?? What is it?

Stealth: My secret is this : Daddy is my Daddy and Grandpa is my Grandpa.

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Duck: Hey lady, my name is Duck and I'm 5 years old. Come meet my mom - I think you need her.

Upon seeing a very pregnant woman in the grocery store.

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Duck: Hey Mom, you know Emily?

Me: Yes, Duck. Emily works at Willie's - she's a waitress.

Duck: NO, she LIVES there.

Me: No, Duck she just works there, I'm sure she lives somewhere else.

Duck: NO, Mommy. She lives at Willie's. She has to - she's all about the mayonaise.

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Stealth: Mommy, do you not have a penis?

Me: No, Stealth, I do not have a penis.

Stealth: Let me see.

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