Wiseman

I get emails from folks who don't know me very well. They are all saying the same thing and they all expect the same response - something along the lines of, "Amen!" or, "I hear you, Sistah," or, "yeah, who needs 'em?" But really, the only response they elicit from me is a swift fondling of the DELETE button. Each and every time I delete these simple minded emails and say a silent prayer to the universe that some day we'll have equality. Until that happens, however, I guess I'm bound to continue to get these men bashing emails.

That's right. I delete the men bashing emails. I'm married to a man. I am friends with many men. I am raising two boys to be men. I love men and boys and I refuse to get caught up in the myopic view that they are all bad because it is simply not true. I know that for a fact.

Yesterday we had a huge amount of snow dumped on us. Quite possibly more than most of the children in this town have ever seen at one time. Nearly everything in town was shut down, including the major interstate that runs right through our little area. One that that wasn't closed, however, was B's place of employment. In his words, "All the managers have 4x4's - this is why." As a result, they were open when nearly no one else was and were outrageously busy because of it. B dug out and go there early in the morning. Along the way, he stopped to help 2 people who were stuck on the side of the road - he got their cars out and made sure they got on their way. He picked up many employees who wanted to work and earn money, but couldn't make it out of their driveways. That's a good man.

When B did leave work, he came straight home and put the boys booster seats into his truck and we all loaded up and drove to one of the legendary sledding hills in Columbia. The boys hadn't been asking to go sledding, they were quite happy to play in our flat yard, but B was insistent that we go sledding. It was so important to him to have a family sledding trip, so important to him that he take his sons sledding while we have the snow. And we went and hung out with about 75 other folks and sled down two hills on a little plastic sled and the kids howled with laughter and joy and glee that only small children still have. In a day and age where so many parents are complaining about their kids bugging them to go and do things, my husband went out of his way to do something with his children because it was important to him to share that experience with them. That same man is already planning a complex system of tunnels and caves and mazes to carve, build, and create in the snow in our large back yard - all for the kids.

He comes home every night, he tucks the boys into bed every night. He shovels the driveway and mows the lawn and folds laundry and makes meals and tells jokes and kisses booboos and brings me flowers and jewelry and untold happiness and laughter. He teaches the kids how to fish, how to hike, how to work a canoe, how to hammer nails and fix door knobs and change oil, how too cook, how to play chess, how to win and how to lose, how to love and how to treat people, how to defend themselves and others when walking away just won't work. He teaches me how to be patient and how to remember that everything always works out, how to take care of myself and how to be Zen. He taught me what it means to be an adult. He always "gets the napkins" and is teaching his children how to do the same thing. He is amazingly wonderful, he is gentle and strong and brave and real.

And he is not alone. There are lots of men just like him - I know, my girlfriends are married to some of them. It makes me so proud of the man I chose as my life partner and so very proud of the young men that are growing up in my house. It gives me hope for the future and it heals the pain of some of the past. It makes me smile and laugh and grow and learn and forgive and dream and wish and wait and see.

So for Christmas this year, I want to get positive emails about the men in our lives - because I'll certainly be writing about my very own Merry Gentleman.