**Disclaimer: I don't want to get a bunch of emails asking me if I'm writing about you. If you are a liar, then YES, I'm writing about you. If you're not a liar, then just say, "Amen, Sistah!" and jump on the bandwagon. The end.**
I think I may have posted here before about how much I hate lying. I just don't do it.
Lying is not a part of my life anymore. It hasn't been for a long long time. In fact, the closest thing I get to lying is not answering my boys one way or the other about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy. They believe in them, but when they ask, I just tell them the history behind these "folks" or say something like "Santa is the name that folks use to describe the Spirit of Christmas" or some other vague explanation. But good lord and butter, what parent hasn't chewed a few nails over those issues, eh? If they asked me flat out, I could tell them nothing but the truth. I'm nearly incapable.
This week I told my husband a very hard truth. I didn't have to tell him. I could have kept my mouth shut about it forever and no one would have ever noticed. But I had to tell him because, after 3 days of not telling him, I thought I was going to lose my damned mind. To me, it's dishonest to even omit something. It was hard, but I told him and you know, he laughed at me, gave me a big kiss, and told me that he knew that he could always trust me to rat myself out - that I'd never lie to him or anyone else.
Elvis knows I used to - I used to lie all the time. I lied to protect myself, to keep from revealing my true self that may, or may not have been, dorky. I have lied to protect others. I have lied to get things, to get rid of things, to get my way, to get other people their way. I have lied to folks I love, folks I hate, folks I didn't even know. I've lied about big things, little things, inconsequential things I've even lied to myself more than I could ever say...
And then I grew up. I learned to love myself and trust that, while I cannot predict how others might react to my truths, I sure as hell can trust myself enough to deal with it - however they react. I saw that lying was an act of self sabotage. The moment that you have the opportunity to lie, you have two choices : 1) take control of your life and improve it by telling the truth and growing a bit, or 2) tell a lie and continue to live in the pit of untruths and never be able to dig yourself out. Telling the truth gives you growth. Lying makes sure you stay a child.
As a parent, it's part of my life's path to deal with lying. Thus far, I've caught my kiddos attempting to lie a time or two, but they've gotten the message that they'll be in so much less trouble if they tell me the truth about what they did than if they lie about it. It's part of being a kid, part of testing boundaries and growing up. It's frustrating, it's annoying, but it's part of the gig and I'll take it - I understand it.
What I do not understand is adults who lie. And there are many many many of them. I cannot wrap my brain around this to save my soul. One would think that, after having survived a minimum of 28 years on this planet ('cause I think folks in their 20's are still just glorified kids,) one would have the knowledge and strength and the understanding that the truth is all that is needed. The truth is ALWAYS good enough. These folks think that they're lying in order to "save face" as it were, but in reality, they lose all credibility the minute the speak the first words of untruth. And the kicker is this - that credibility doesn't come back. You've lied, you've lost your shot at anyone trusting you. Period. Yes, over time, we may come back around and give you another shot, but we'll never ever forget that you've not given us enough credit, that you didn't think we were important enough to hear the truth.
Is it really worth all of that?
Really, what is so bad about telling someone where you've been? Who you saw? What you ate? What movie you saw? Why you like this song or hate that one? Why you went here or didn't go there? Why you still have a powder blue tuxedo in your closet or why you're still hanging onto your first boyfriend's t-shirt? If you do or don't like tofu, if you do or don't recycle, of you do or don't have sex with the lights on? What the hell, folks? If you've done something, you have a reason. If that reason is good enough for you, that's what matters - why lie about it? Lying only makes you look guilty and like you have something to hide. Those things, combined with dishonesty, just show the world that you're not trustworthy.
And don't think you're good at lying. Don't think that folks don't know. Most adults, ones with a conscious anyway, can spot a lie the second the world comes out of your mouth. Know why? Because adult liars are just that - adults. Adults *know* better and so they give themselves away every single time.
Here's things, all you adult liars out there - we just want to hang out and get to know *you.* We don't give two shits about your lies. We don't care - it doesn't make you look cool. It makes you look like you don't trust us, that we're not even worth the truth to you. It also makes you look like you don't have the least bit of confidence in yourself - and if you don't have confidence in yourself, why the hell should we have confidence in you? You're cheating everyone. You're cheating yourself out of the chance to be authentic and you're cheating us out of the chance to love you. That might be the biggest crime of all.
So stop lying. Just stop. Now. Today. You owe it to yourselves. And once you start living an authentic, truth filled life, you can start smelling all the beautiful roses under your own feet - instead of the ones 4 counties over.
